Turn the light out say goodnight
no thinking for a little while
lets not try to figure out everything at once
It’s hard to keep track of you falling through the sky
- The National

then took flight, first light of new morning

and you make boundaries
you never dreamed you'd cross
and if you happen to
you wake completely lost

"he slept 'neath the stars

wrote down what he dreamt

and he built a machine for no one to see

then took flight, first light of new morning"

- Calexico

i was your silver lining...

rilo kiley, silver lining

and now i know something of how a piano must feel

when it looks at the fireplace to see sheet music being used for kindling

smoke signaling the end

sitting there watching all those notes burn away

of all the things i never had a chance to play

to hear the music of what you had to say

and baby, i've been fighting the dreamer in me

and baby, i've been fighting the cynic in me

i do miss you

and i keep thinking about your hands
the way you would subletly graze mine
and i keep thinking about sitting by the fireplace
the way i was leaving this all behind

the people i've met are the wonders of my world

this girl is amazing.... enjoy adele's song, hometown glory

the sun is shining for the 2nd day in a row

i just booked my ticket to cuba

im happy!

some things you want will just never be right

and i keep telling myself

'yesterday is gone

yesterday is dead

get it through your head and walk away

yesterday is gone

no use hanging on to your memory'

you are what you love
and not what loves you back

another reason i wish i was a teenager in the 80s...

long live pat benetar and all great things 80s !

thats how it was with you and i

so we went

and sent our regards on postcards from all the places we had been

and stories of all the things we had seen

thats how it was with you and i

why say goodbye when we can still write

because like a dog I’ve learned a hundred new tricks

trying to please them

because for some reason

I thought it was love

they kept concealed in their hands

bright ideas

we're like two bright ideas in a world that doesn't want to think

it is, isn't it ?

"and its true ive never been one to keep myself rooted to the ground
i found myself shopping for advice at an inconvenience store where the more you buy the more you need
and im seldom a person to fall victim to greed but when it comes to you im jealous of the whole world
jealous of the way the wind knocks at your window asking your hair if it can come out to play
jealous of the way the trees sway towards you using their branches to knock away the birds

willing to sacrifice their beaks to carve words

into the wood that could be interpreted as recommendations on how to turn these hands into foundations strong enough to come together

and beg please to all those trees that held up their stories about one night loves and long lasting stands
because like a dog I’ve learned a hundred new tricks trying to please them

because for some reason I thought it was love they kept concealed in their hands"

As I lay in my bed shivering with blankets wrapped around my body, with layers of clothing on, I think of you in your home. I’ve never seen it but I can imagine you in your old townhouse, in a room with little heat and worn down carpets, marked with stains from previous tenants. I can imagine you curled around a space heater, in your room painted a sloppy dark blue, with posters of Bob Marley and the newest indie band you hope no one has heard of yet. I can see you zoning out and staring contently at the walls, your brain empty with only flutters of sexual impulse and reminders of your hunger. Your blood pulses through your veins like electricity, almost as if there are millions of clapping hands applauding your superiority, rushing between your heart and your brain.

Here I lie, shivering and thinking of you shivering. Thinking of those microscopic hands clapping at the false greatness you’ve created for yourself. I lie here and listen to the click in the wall above my head to the right. I’m not sure why the wall is clicking; could be the wind, something hitting it from the other side of the wall in an apartment room, or it could be the new, sterile building adjusting itself for comfort. I start to imagine there is a small little man hidden between the walls of my apartment and the next, stuck in between the frames, jollily striking away with a hammer on the wall. This little man could fit in my palm, and resembles one of the seven little dwarfs, yet more timid and less aware of its meaningless life stuck in the dry wall.

Even though this all causes a second heart to appear in my stomach, beating opposite the one in my chest, it doesn’t seem wrong. More likely it would feel wrong were these feelings not there. It seems the way the universe had meant it, although I feel as though something is grabbing me and pulling out these feelings once in a while, setting them on the coffee table next to me and allowing me to enjoy pure bliss and a high with a friend or two for a couple hours. OH, and when that bliss arrives! This state of utopia compels me forward, dancing on roof tops and giggling into phone receivers. It allows for brass comments and shrieking laughter, until reality or idealism or optimism or pessimism seep back into my body, slowly gurgling down from my mind right to my finger tips and painted toes.

And here I sit. Waiting for the next high or next epiphany and waiting to have an explanation. Waiting for someone to sit me down with a book like “Where Babies Come From” or “How to Tie Your Shoelaces” and put their arm around me, cooing gentle and easy words. It would be wrapped up in 24 pages of illustrations and captions, and I would sink deep into your arm and reply, “Ah, that’s not so complicated”. Ah, but it is, isn’t it?

be here now

"i thought you were the kind of girl who knew when to say when"

"i don't know what kind of girl i am"

breathe

i had the most amazing conversation with an old friend today

i hadn't seen him in so long

so much stirring in my head

my friend posted this on her blog

and i fell in love with it

dum spiro spero

latin for 'while i breathe, i hope'

and what is truth ?

[they must find it difficult

those who have taken authority as the truth

rather than truth as authority]

and what is truth ?

"i don't know what god is, but i know what he isn't"

and now the questions come to me

double shadow

you're two faced

all sideways

you're dry eyed

you night fly

you're thin chokes

and split spokes

you're for keeps

and deep sleep

you catch up

you young pup

you old dog

you blue fog

your next kin

your lost twin

your side step

your better hip

you're snap shy

you're my double shadow

so this is goodbye

i got out of bed today

swear to god i couldn't see my face

i got out of bed today

just staring at a ghost

you can't kill something thats already dead.